So I'm having some fluctuating thoughts today. None of the crazy circumstances of my life have changed in the last few days, and it has been nice to not wake up with a thermometer in the mouth each morning, but now I feel like I'm wasting time. This is all a part of the anxiety I am trying to escape by taking a few months off, but I'm wondering whether or not I want to try a half dose this month, 25 mg of the clomid and see how that goes. My doctor had wanted me to try that last month, but I wanted to make sure I ovulated so I was scared to. I have liked to be able to control my temper and thoughts without the medication so much though. Cap is still on the night shift and most days I only see him awake for about an hour so why try to fit sex in there? Of course that's over this weekend and baby making would go in to full tilt next week, but I still have rehearsals every night and work all day. Am I just setting myself up for more anxiety and failure. A friend told me over the phone to just stick to my guns. But then I think of being an older mother and it really scares me. Ugh. Well we are going to have a sit down during dinner tonight to make up our minds about the half dose. I'd have to start it tonight because its cycle day 5. Any advice?
Weight loss has seemed to halt too. I haven't lost anything and I'm maybe wondering if I'm eating enough. I am doing only one training session a week for the next few crazy months, but I am doing workouts on my own and I know I'm burning calories, but now I'm wondering if I'm maybe not taking enough in. But I eat whenever I'm hungry. I'm eating apples as I type this right now. I need to maybe try to write stuff down for a few days, but since I'm cooking and making all natural foods, its harder to keep track without nutrition labels. I know the whole idea of the diet is to not have to keep track, but I want to be fueling my body the best way I know how. I wanted to be at 189 today, May 1. But I'm still stuck at 191. I'm not gaining so maybe its just a plateau. I don't know how I could eat healthier though...
My new workout plan is going to be running based because I want to get under 35 minutes running the 5k in June. My legs are feeling more sculpted but I still never feel thin. In fact I hated most of the pictures that were taken of me at work and at the lake this weekend. I don't see myself as any thinner even though I know I'm in smaller sizes. Today I pick up my cocktail dress for the play and will hopefully be in a large and not an xlarge . I'm gonna buy the one that fits me now because the show opens in 17 days and I don't anticipate dropping another size at the beginning, but am hoping it will be a little too big by the end of the run mid June.
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